After 15 hours of running, 64 miles, at least 3 outright hallucinations (one of which was a bald eagle), 7 blisters, two swollen feet, and asphalt crushed quadriceps I realized that 100 miles had crushed me; physically. At first I had trouble figuring out how I would put my "failure" on this blog. But not suprisingly, I am unashamed of my effort and so thankful to the people that helped me along the path. Though I may not have completed 100 miles yesterday, my primary goal of the run was to raise awareness about Malia and get donations directed her way.Which was successful."Today is a crossroad where everything you want will collide with everything standing in your way."
At the beginning of the day I was meeting my target times for each lap and finished 27 miles in about 4:45 which was right near my goal of finishing in under 5 hours. I had someone to run with for a few of these miles which kept me in good spirits and helped move me along,which I am very grateful for. I hit a low point during lap 4 but also had some good moments. I was able to continue only walking uphills and running the rest of the time. During the 5th lap I started to feel some wear and tear on my quads from the concrete sidewalks and asphalt that I was running on.
By the 6th lap I was running for 10 minutes and walking for 10 minutes to get me through but managed to finish 50 miles in 10 hours. This was when it started to get dark and I started to get in a bad place mentally. After 55 miles I set out for the 7th loop. I was feeling okay for the first four miles. I felt some blisters popping in my shoes (great visualization), but my hydration/salt intake was on point, I was a bit more nauseated than prior loops but this was to be expected. I noticed I was a little dizzy when I started walking the uphills. I wasn't dizzy while running, but as soon as I stopped I wasn't feeling too great. I was running by parked cars on dark neighborhood streets and all the cars were full of people, or so I thought. It took me a minute to realize I was imagining these people entirely. At the end of Chelsea Ave at mile 60 I saw a bald eagle sitting on a fence post. I thought for a minute and knew there probably wasn't an eagle there at all. I walked/hobbled the next 4 miles home. I was crying for most of these miles which did not help my dizziness, but I finished the lap.I knew that my run was over short of my goal, so I went to my room and laid down until I worked up the energy to sit in the shower. I was humbled once again by running, which is why I love it even though at times it hurts when we fall short of our goals.
I felt bad primarily because I didn't want to let anyone down by not finishing and secondly because my body felt pretty destroyed. I knew I couldn't go any further for my safety on the dark roads by myself feeling as dizzy as I did.
In the end, I guess I could have cut corners or written a post about finishing 100 miles that I didn't run. But I am willing to admit when I fall short, and after reading a lot about ultrarunning, not finishing a 100 miler on a first attempt is common, especially when running solo. I realized that this entire blog was less about me finishing 100 miles and more about celebrating a little girls fight with cancer by not being afraid to try and attempting to live life with purpose. There will be a day in the near future (Black Hills 100 hopefully) when I will finish a 100 mile race and when I do it will be for Malia and all the cancer warriors who never quit fighting.
